


All The Wrong Reasons

by BLKGURLSMUSE



Series: Richonne Lemon Shots [23]
Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Drama, F/M, Family Drama, Friends to Lovers, Gen, Interracial Relationship, Love Triangles, Major Character Undeath, Not Beta Read, Tearjerker, Unrequited Love, Violence, Zombie Apocalypse, Zombies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-19
Updated: 2016-10-12
Packaged: 2018-08-15 20:47:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,250
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8072230
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BLKGURLSMUSE/pseuds/BLKGURLSMUSE
Summary: Michonne contemplates her relationship with Rick.





	1. All The Wrong Reasons

**Author's Note:**

  * For [BlackGold](https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlackGold/gifts), [kekeh](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kekeh/gifts), [drywitticisms](https://archiveofourown.org/users/drywitticisms/gifts), [textualhealing](https://archiveofourown.org/users/textualhealing/gifts), [gweniegut](https://archiveofourown.org/users/gweniegut/gifts), [RichonneLuv89](https://archiveofourown.org/users/RichonneLuv89/gifts), [Chantl89](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chantl89/gifts), [Jades](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jades/gifts), [darknessstartstorise](https://archiveofourown.org/users/darknessstartstorise/gifts), [BangableHott](https://archiveofourown.org/users/BangableHott/gifts), [oreoangel320](https://archiveofourown.org/users/oreoangel320/gifts), [and SupernaturalStac](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=and+SupernaturalStac).

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Matters of the heart can be complicated, mix in the Apocalypse and the results can be devastating.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Slightly Alternate History - (Michonne & Maggie slightly OOC) - Taking place during the first couple of weeks in the ASZ. No major character deaths, No Wolves or super- walker herds...yet.

 

**MICHONNE POV**

Maggie's question echoed in my head from the moment she asked me yesterday, clear up until now.

"Would you rather tell Rick you love him and risk losing the friendship or keep the silence and suffer a lifetime of lies?"

Her question raised so many questions and it left me wishing for a third option, a door numbered three. I didn't answer her and quickly changed the subject.

It's a full day later and I'm still thinking about it.

"Hey Chonne," Carl leisurely strolled in, with Judith in his arms. I gave him an automatic smile when I say automatically it means forced. My door was closed and he never knocks.

"I'm headed out for a while..." He said as he came near me, so I stood to meet him halfway.

"Be home before dark," I told him.

"K..." he replied.

At the same time, I grabbed a hold of sweet Lil Nugget with one hand, ruffled Carl's hair with the other and then plopped back down on the bed. My sudden movements caused Judith to let out an excited little coo as she wiggled out of my relaxed embraced and began crawling around on my bed.

It wasn't long before I fell back into my thoughts.

Have I been living a lie?

Maggie sure seems to think so.

Soon after arriving in Alexandria, I felt a mild sense of comfort. Alexandria is an upscale planned community, a safe-zone established by the military in the early days of the outbreak, containing a handful of supplies for a large group of people. Ohio Congresswoman Deanna Monroe and her family were attempting to evacuate D.C. and return to Ohio to help handle the crisis in her state. While doing so, they were directed by the military to the neighborhood, among other survivors from D.C., and ordered to wait for their return, which never occurred. The evacuees used the supplies for their survival, including construction materials from a shopping mall nearby, which were used to build this incredible wall. New survivors joined the community shortly thereafter. Deanna soon became their leader. She saw promise and the rebirth of civilization in Alexandria. She believes in who people were before the apocalypse mattered. They will be the ones rebuilding and sustaining the community. Reg Monroe, her husband, is a professor of architecture and is the genius behind the wall. Aaron Berry, the man I've thanked on several occasions for bringing us here was appointed by Deanna as a recruiter. He welcomed us into the community on the condition we surrender our weapons. We reluctantly relented, and in return, were given two houses. That same day we're all interviewed one by one, a few days and dinner parties later, all of us were appointed our roles. Rick and I were given the job of constable. Soon after, I conducted my own observations. I came to realize that some of the residents were dangerously ignorant of the new world and how to survive in it. This could cause them to act recklessly and put the lives of our group in danger.

I couldn't allow that.

So I immediately voiced my concerns to Deanna and she promptly held a meeting for the residents of Alexandria. Since then, we've implemented a survival training program, which included weapons training, hunting and basic combat training, lead by none other than myself and the rest of our group. On the days I wasn't working as constable or training, I'd get up in the early morning hours to begin the delightful task of tilling the soil, fertilizing the ground and planting seeds for a vegetable garden.

A few days after that Maggie joined me. That's when she first brought it up. At the time, I honestly thought she was joking.

"You know my dad once said, behind every successful man is his woman."

"I can agree with that."

"I wasn't finished..."

I turned to her, rake in hand glaring at her unblinking. "I'm listening..."

"Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman." She said, with that all-knowing smile, it's identical to Hershel.

I chuckled and continued to rake.

"So I'm just going to put it out there and say it..."

I didn't bother looking up this time, but I was certainly paying attention.

"You need to tell Rick how you feel before it's too late."

Now I was glaring at her again. "It's not like that with Rick and I."

"Are you sure..."

There she goes with that wise ole smile on her face. Who would have thought that those three words would cause me to actually think about the possibilities? She obviously saw something developing between Rick and it's apparent that our relationship is complicated, difficult, pious and loving all at the same time.

"Helloooo Michoooonne..."

She practically sang, obviously amused; I was staring off into space and I had dropped my rake.

"Yes...Rick and I are friends, I respect him and he respects me."

That wasn't entirely true, of course, I respect Rick, what he's trying to do and how he's trying to keep his children and other people safe. Meeting someone like Rick and deciding this is who I'm going to align myself with was something I thought would never happen. But the moment I got to the prison gates with that baby powder and formula, the moment our eyes met. In that very moment, it all just made sense to me. At that point, I decided to open up and better myself as a result of what he did for me and his persuasive insistence. After the fallout at the prison I was on the verge of reverting, but the thought of what Rick was doing kept me, held me, drew me to him. I was no longer in a world where careless men like Mike, psychotic men like The Governor and reckless men like Merle ruled.

It was midday and the heat of the suns rays made it uncomfortably hot, so we decided that two dozen rows of corn, cabbage and garlic is a fine start. So we put our tools away and went home. Even the shower couldn't wash away the thoughts. My mind continued to evaluate the possibilities.

Which brings me to the here and now.

I can't deny, Rick wakes the pure side of me, the best side. Our energy vibrates in such a unique way, each the perfect complement of the other. Rick is what makes my heart strong. His smile alone burnishes my soul into a beauty it could never have achieved on its own. Before we met I was one, now I am a half, yet somehow so much more than I ever was before.

But would if Maggie's all wrong and she's basing this on the times we've caught him looking at my ass.

That it...She's wrong! He may have a little crush at best, nothing more.

Why am I even listening to her?

This is the same person who said...

_"Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich."_

Speaking of sandwiches...

"Are ya hungry Judith?"

I scooped her up and we're off to the kitchen. Mac&cheese and applesauce was our dinner. There was enough left over for Rick and Carl when they get home. And like a good young man, Carl was home before dark as I asked.

"I gotta surprise for you." He was smiling big as he pulled a fluffy, purple, toy pony from his jacket pocket. Delight was not a strong enough word to describe how I felt when Judith's big blue eyes lit up. She squealed and grabbed the doll.

Although the day was hot, the night had become cool and crisp; the breeze coming from the window confirmed that much.

"I'm going for a walk, be back in a bit," I said, not waiting for a response, I left.

Not many people were out tonight, unlike the first week we arrived. Carol was sitting on the porch next door, I gave her a nod as I passed her. A block away, Father Gabriel sped by me. His demeanor and expression concerned me, he looked nervous, anxious. I had the notion to stop him, but something else caught my eye. It was Rick and he was going into Dr. Anderson's garage.

I expected to see Pete standing in the garage, but it was Jessica. I managed to remain undetected and got close to the house as Rick walked through her garage door. I heard him very foolishly inform Jessie of his knowledge regarding her family's secret. He asked her to let him help her. It didn't really register what he was saying; I'm still taken aback by the way Rick just walked into another man's home like he owns the place.

She tells him that she is a grown, married woman who can take care of herself; yet she still grants him permission to help her. My brain formulated no thoughts other than to register that I was shocked, it was as if the impact had knocked every wisp of air from my lungs, and I lay there struggling to inhale, to exhale, to do anything. That's how I feel now, trying to remember how to breathe, unable to speak, totally stunned standing behind a bush in The Anderson's yard.

Rick neared her, he leaned in and kissed her and my blood runs cold, my mind was sent reeling, unable to comprehend or process the images being sent by my eyes. I looked away, then looked back to see if it was still there, if it was real. 

It was.

I'm not sure how long I stood there like that, but eventually, I went home.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TBC


	2. To Make It Right

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Prequel to the the Richonne ship.

   

 

 

 

 

Upon my initial encounter, Jessie appeared to me as the nervous and quiet type. That's when I noticed Rick paying close attention to her. I noticed him noticing her on several other occasions and vice versa. I soon found out 'the secret', that she's living in an unhappy, abusive marriage with her husband Pete. Although her investment in the safe-zone itself is limited and she refuses to speak about her marital problems, she's undoubtedly the proverbial damsel in distress.

So Rick being drawn to her should not have surprised me; I understood why. She's his chance to reclaim what he'd lost. Rick sees in her what he believes he needs; someone to protect.

I'm back in my bed with my emotions; they keep coming into my mind like the waves meeting the land. Standing on the beach, eyes gazing out to the water, but my feet can't help but get wet. They come to me, soaking my entire being and helping me to understand my entire self-better. Just like the land and ocean are one world, my emotions are just another part of myself, another form of intelligence to embrace, another way to learn. And crying is how I understand myself best. When I cry I know who I am. I cry when others hurt as well as myself. It's my strength and my weakness. My strength, because it brings understanding, and my weakness because who wants to listen to weeping when they're looking for a strong shoulder? Right now I wish I could turn my tears off, I do. But my emotions swirl like ocean currents, deep and strong, and I can't be anyone else, I don't suppose any of us can.

The next day, I woke up earlier than usual; at the garden, Sturgess and I planted several rows of cucumbers. By the time Maggie arrived, it was time for me to begin my constable duties. I kept myself busy and avoided Rick for a full two days which wasn't an easy task considering that there are less than one hundred people in the community and Rick and I live together. But I needed the time to gather myself and put the notion of him and I behind me.

So I did just that.

I wish I could say it was my will alone, but it wasn't.

My friend Noah died and so did Deanna's son Aidan, this happened outside the walls, and from then on, I was preoccupied with keeping things fortified within the Safe Zone. I barely had time to sleep and was beginning to feel the comforting numbness from my past that carries me through. It wasn't long after Noah and Aidan died that the residents began to talk. Even though the tragedy happened outside the community, the people of Alexandria felt their sense of security crumble at the unexpected losses. I later found out that Father Gabriel told Deanna that our group is dangerous and that we needed to be exiled from Alexandria before her people died at our hands. So Deanna held an impromptu meeting where the residents could openly voice their concerns and decide if we should leave their community.

At the meeting I admitted; our way is not perfect, but it's kept us alive.

Rick expressed his point by delivering a speech to the people of Alexandria, informing the citizens that he found and killed several walkers that got in through an unsecured opening in the wall. Without warning Pete barged in on the meeting, drunk, with a look of aggressiveness in his eyes, he was dangerously waiving a large knife around, frightening the fragile citizens.

I think he was aiming for Rick but inadvertently killed Reg. Devastated, Deanna ordered Rick to execute Pete. At that point, I think Mrs. Monroe realized Rick was right in every way and the community would listen to him from that point on.

Just as Rick was carrying out the execution, the meeting was interrupted again by Aaron and Daryl who had returned from scouting for survivors. They'd succeeded in their recruitment efforts and returned with Rick's acquaintance from Atlanta, a man named Morgan Jones.

That same night Daryl informed us that they'd come across a dangerous scavenging group called The Wolves.

From then on everything went straight to hell. Just about anything that could go wrong did.

While disposing of Pete's body miles from the safe-zone in a quarry, Rick and Morgan discovered a large canyon with hundreds, possibly thousands of walkers. The only blockade that kept the walkers from escaping was semi-trucks on a ridge which was beginning to give way.

Desperate to keep us all safe, Rick proposed that the community help release the herd and divert them away from the safe-zone. So the plan was set in motion. We formed several groups, the community planned to divert the walkers onto a road and lead them away from the safe-zone. But during a dry run of the plan, a truck gave way, forcing us to put Rick's plan into action ahead of schedule.

Fortunately, this was successful, but our reprieve did not last long. 

Just a few hours later, The Wolves, found Alexandria and began their attack, massacring many of the Alexandria residents. During the attack, the newly appointed doctor, Denise Cloyd, tried in vain to save the dozens of wounded citizens. Rosita, Aaron, Aaron's partner Eric, and Maggie led the defense as Spencer spotted from the watchtower. A member of the Wolves was arriving with a truck full of walkers, intending to drive it through the walls of the community. Spencer managed to shoot and kill the driver, causing the truck to crash through the side of the watchtower and into one of the wall panels, setting off the horn. The sound attracted the attention of the rear half of the herd from the quarry to the direction of Alexandria. Carl did his best keeping residents safe, and Morgan captured the leader of the Wolves, the rest were killed by Carol and the newly trained citizens. Losing nearly half of our team, Heath, Scott and I were the only ones to return, followed by Rick, just as the herd began its siege on the community. Spencer attempted to grapple his way out of the safe-zone, but he fell into the herd and nearly died. The church tower that was damaged by the truck during the Wolves' attack collapsed and knocked down one of the panels, allowing the herd to spill into the streets of Alexandria.

As the attack commenced, Carol pretty much saved the community, killing one of the Wolves, she cleverly donned his clothes and began to take out numerous Wolves alongside Morgan.

After it was all over, tensions grew as residents, deeply troubled by The Wolves attack, became desperate for food, with some even committing suicide, seeing no way out. The community struggled to find ways to cope, as it was assumed by many that Glenn, Enid, Sasha, Abraham, and Daryl had died outside. Most believed all was lost until Glen and Enid made are back. Glen told us Nicolas died saving his life.

In the midst of all the turmoil, a miracle occurred when Sasha, Abraham, and Daryl all made it back to the safe-zone after being outnumbered and attacked by a group of unknowns. Now the only ones unaccounted for are Glenn and Enid. 

As the herd filled the streets, Rick and Deanna attempted to cover the citizens while they retreated inside their houses, resulting in Deanna getting bitten. Rick, Carl, Gabriel, Deanna, Ron and I retreated into Jessie's house. Aaron, Heath, and Spencer retreated into the infirmary with the wounded.

Inside The Anderson's home, as Deanna was dying from her bite, she gave advice to me. She told me to go after what I wanted in life and to lead and protect Alexandria after she's gone, including looking after her surviving son Spencer. I promised her that if there was a tomorrow for me, I'd honor her wishes.

Ron locked himself in the garage with Carl and attacked him; I imagine it was because of what Rick had done to his family. The shuffle attracted the herd to the house and in the garage, forcing the boys to open the door and retreat back inside. 

Deanna, full of the fever and armed with a gun, killed as many walkers as she could to distract them from us before she was taken over.

Then the herd finally broke through the house. Rick's only plan was something I'd grown all too accustom too; we gutted a walker and covered ourselves with the intestines.

We made our way through the crowd, our destination, the armory. I've done this a million times, no sudden movements, don't make a sound.  

As we all walked into the herd in the streets, Sam started crying for Jessie, attracting the attention of a few walkers. So Rick changed his plan to finding cars and driving the herd back to the quarry, but Jessie insisted that Judith is left with someone. Surprisingly, Gabriel volunteered and took Judith into the church. And we continued on, Sam had an emotional breakdown and began to cry out louder than before, attracting the attention of even more walkers, subsequently, he was attacked and bitten. Jessie, screaming in horror, was also attacked and bitten.

Everything was happening so fast.

I'm not sure why Jessie wouldn't let go of Carl's hand, but she wouldn't, she let out a gut-wrenching scream and held him firmly as the herd attacked her, Carl pulled and tugged, but was unable to get out of her grip. Rick had no choice but to set Carl free by chopping her wrist off.

Enraged at what was occurring, Ron pointed a gun at Rick, but he hesitated - I didn't. I had no choice but to kill him. I'm deeply troubled by the fact that he was so young; he's the youngest person that I've killed. While Ron was dying, his gun goes off and the bullet hits Carl's eye. Rick and I rushed Carl to the infirmary where Denise performs life-saving surgery. Once we felt confident that Carl was going to be alright, Rick and I led an attack on the walkers. Surprisingly all the remaining residents of Alexandria joined us.

Somehow, they found their courage and fought on.

Abraham rolled in with a fuel truck, filled the lake with fuel and ignited it. The walkers were then drawn to the fire and walked into it, killing some, and providing a distraction for the rest, allowing us to successfully rally and kill the rest of them taking Alexandria back. 

In a little over a week, the citizens managed to rebuild the damaged wall panel and cleared the streets of walkers. In a few months, the expansion was completed and the safe-zone took in more houses and the church. The survivors also dug a small trench around the safe-zone blocked with cars and spikes and put up new defenses, giving the residents a new outlook on life in the community.

It was a full four months and Carl was pretty well healed from his injury and went back to being Carl. It wasn't long before he and Enid returned to venturing off into the woods. That day, Judith was with Carol and curiosity and boredom took over, so I followed them, keeping a close eye on the teens; until I noticed Spencer. He was wandering aimlessly, he looked distressed.

Deanna immediately came to mind. I'd promised her I'd look after him, so I did. We talked and I did my best to encourage him, to go on, after all, I know that is what she would have wanted. 

Meanwhile, Carl and Enid wandered across the reanimated Deanna and lured her to Spencer. Carl believed, like he did with his own mother, that Spencer should be the one to put her down. She should be put down by someone who loved her. I allowed it, but later that night, I questioned him about it, and Carl told me he'd do it for me; that he considered me family. I think that's how a teen-aged kid says 'I love you', so I hugged him, the feeling is certainly mutual.

Soon after Carl went to bed and I'd just put Judith to bed when Rick returned home from his supply run. He told me he and Daryl found a truck loaded with food, but it was stolen by a survivor the two met out on the road named Paul Rovia, who was nicknamed Jesus. Rick suspected he was from a settlement based on his clean appearance.

After a spirited, almost comical chase, the truck was lost in a lake and Rick and Daryl brought an unconscious Jesus back and locked him up in the community's makeshift prison cell. He then hands me a pack of mints — not quite the toothpaste I'd requested that morning but a sweet gesture none the less.

As we sat on the couch in the lantern-lit room, I found myself being brought back full circle, coming to a realization, a discovery. There is such an intimacy that's grown between us that is well earned. Every single time our eyes meet, he steals my breath and the heat from my skin. He took hold of my hand and smiled at me, his smile, so soft and sweet.

And it's because we've had so much intimacy with our friendship, I've oddly found myself thankful that he sought after Jessie. As crazy as it may sound, it's almost like Jessie was able to open Rick up to the potential of loving again. Going through the emotions with her was a hugely important stepping stone for him. It allowed him to access that part of himself and to put to rest the notion of his past.

The same goes for me...

Before, it was easy for me to shut a lot of things down. But Rick has forced my walls to come down, even the wall around my heart. Right now he's eating me with his eyes as if he can't quite believe I'm not part of an almost forgotten dream. There is something bursting out of them that are new. Now he realized that there's even more to our intimacy.

He realizes that he desires me; that he's in love with me. So he said to me…

"When I met you I'd already lost my entire world. How can you hang on to something so incomprehensible? How can you keep pouring love into an abyss? But then there you were. There was something in those brown eyes that was so beautiful, so safe and warm. In just one look,  I was home. I took a chance with you and reached out and made the connection, and from day one we became inseparable, we were one from that day on."

…And then he kissed me and the world fell away...It was slow and soft, comforting in ways that words would never be.

Before I can draw in the air my body needs, he has me on my back and I've melted into his form. Gently, with a calloused finger, he moved a lock from my cheek; even this roughness brings more relief than my heart can hold. My arms reached up and tangled around the nape of his neck, finding their way through his thick curly hair.

In an instant I'd pulled away and arched up into his broad chest, moaning in the contact of body heat against my own, before I drew back into his lips.

We go on like this for a while, kissing, touching, tasting, making out like two horny teens, until neither of us can take much more.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song: Fade Into You By Mazzy Star
> 
> I wanna hold the hand inside you  
> I wanna take the breath that's true  
> I look to you and I see nothing  
> I look to you to see the truth
> 
> You live your life, you go in shadow  
> You'll come upon and you'll go black  
> Some kind of night into your darkness  
> Close your eyes with what's not there
> 
> Fade into you  
> Strange you never knew  
> Fade into you  
> I think it's strange you never knew
> 
> The strange light comes on slowly  
> A stranger's heart is out of home  
> You put your hands into your head  
> And your smiles cover your heart


End file.
